Street Life

Jamaican life is stimulating, loud and thrilling, the people upbeat and warm, and with the following dumplings of knowledge afloat in your soup, you’ll soon be swaggering around Ocho Rios like a breda or sista possessed.

Now, it’s no lie that there are folks who holiday in Jamaica year after year but, the odd excursion aside, won’t set foot outside the gates of their resort during their stay. So much for the allure of travel.

The Guava Jelly Guide code is to engage and explore. One [Wilson] tip you can cut-out-and-keep, to improve the day and ease your way into the downtown social spectacle — pick a bar, any bar, grab a stool and order up some rum and Ting. Then in a short while just try not hobnobbing with the regulars and soaking up some of that true Jamaican sunshine.

The Hub of Ochi Activity

Meet your date, join in a religious crusade, or sleep off the ganja under the trees — *Meet your date, join a religious crusade, or sleep off the ganja under the trees*

Impossible to miss on its concrete island with a few trees for company at the point where DaCosta Drive, James Avenue and Main Street meet, the iconic Ocho Rios Clock Tower was built in 1973, kindly gifted to the town by businessman and philanthropist Mr Donald DaCosta and Colonel Robin Stewart of St Ann.

The tower is of a freestanding square column design on a simple plinth base, a block construction with vertical feature panels. Each face has a classic white dial with Roman numerals, set into a panel-moulded upper quadrate and topped with a triangular pediment. A discreet service door to the westernmost side allows access to the inner workings.

Over the years the Clock Tower has been painted cream and various shades of blue; it has been shot at and set on fire, daubed in graffiti, adorned with xmas lights, urinated on and occasionally slept in.

And despite all of this, the tower stands proudly today as the central meeting place and undisputed Ocho Rios focal point — and as such deserves to be better preserved and loved.

People and T’ings to Know

NO INSULT INTENDED

Jamaicans are typically no-nonsense and will call people as they see them. For example: if you are a Caucasian male you are White Man; if you work as a chef you are, well, Chef.

Simply a perception of your race, appearance or walk of life, no insult is intended (we assume). Folks are openly referred to as Rasta, Indian, Bartender, whatever... or in Wilson’s case, White Bwai and Fatty, just before you ask.

YOUR FRIENDLY GUIDE

Tourists stick out a mile, so don’t be alarmed if hit on by a friendly fireball pitching his services as your personal town guide.

A lot of the tourism channels warn against this but most of these unofficial hosts are honest and genuine, and seeing the town in a nutshell with a local for an hour or so is a fascinating diversion, a bit of fun in return for some dollars. But keep your wits if you’re offered a ‘smoke’ — it would not be the first time someone got woozy and the ship set sail without them!

STREET SELLERS

Whether waiting to be whizzed-off in a sweltering minibus, strolling through town avoiding eye contact, or just lyming around in a bar nursing an ice cold beer, you’ll be offered everything from Prestige donuts, bags of pepper shrimp and sugar cane to cologne, leather belts and facecloths. Where else could you purchase your weekly groceries and summer wardrobe from the comfort of a minibus or barstool?

Street sellers, and other enterprising characters making a living off the pavement, are part of the town’s lifeblood and deserve your custom.

And yes, it’s Official... one of life’s greatest pleasures is speeding back from Kingston to Ochi in a crammed minibus next to the open window with a bag juice and a box of pineapple donuts all to yourself.

THE “FIST BUMP”

Popular greetings of ‘respect’ come in all levels of intricacy; the simple ‘fist bump’ is the one you will most receive. In another, the fists meet vertically, then horizontally, then a brief flick of the thumbs, but there are countless variants from ‘high fives’ to the ‘elbowing’ of elbows (a good one when holding two drinks).

One theory we entertain is that the fist bump greeting came about so that germs and other icky substances were not passed between bredren who had neglected to wash their hands after relieving themselves — it would be quite a keen show of initiative were this to be true.

KEEP IT COVERED

Out of the many cultural misunderstandings Wilson discovered the hard way, one is that, no matter how heavenly your torso, it’s considered impolite for men (and ladies too) to be stripped to the waist when entering a restaurant, bar, bank, shop or office. You will be refused entry by the security doorman unless you cover up.*

So when not on the beach or by the pool, affirm your dignity in a shirt or marina vest.

*Ask Wilson to tell you of the KFC incident one day — it involved a ride to the police station and one shady character being arrested.

TEMPT ME NOT

Wander down any street and you will pass unwittingly through frequent clouds of a certain pungent nostril-tickling aroma.

Laws relating to marijuana (ganja, da herb, etc) have softened — it is ‘illegal’ but only a ‘petty offence’ to possess up to 56 g (quite a sizeable bag we are told). For religious purposes, true Rastafarians may use the stuff. Visitors from overseas with a medical prescription can apply for a permit — but for better guidance on such medicinal matters than we can offer, give a specialist outfit such as Kaya Herbhouse a try.

We all know what goes on so just be discreet — you wouldn’t build up a chalice pipe in a restaurant after a meal would you? And don’t start chicken-dancing on the roof of a stationary police vehicle with a big seven-skinner blazing between your teeth.

What do we think? We’ll just settle for a few cold beers and a Matterhorn, thanking you kindly.

A ‘likkle lesson’ in Patois

Jamaican Patois (or Patwa/Patwah — it’s all good) is a potent stew of English, Creole and West African languages passed down through generations.

Many forms are spoken on the island with varying richnesses and densities, and, despite the broad use of English, understanding the vocabulary and pronunciation may take some getting used to.

The origin of the word Patois derives from Old French, meaning a raw, local dialect. And, being a language primarily spoken or sung, written Patois is limited with English used in most writing.

While we’re on the subject of language, some of the choicest, most common words you’ll pick up on wherever gentlemen gather — the unholy trinity of pussyclaat, bumboclaat and bloodclaat for instance — are by no means the worst expletives you will hear on your travels, but that’s all we are going to say on the matter.

Let’s just chuck a few typical (and more respectful) phrases into the pot to give you a taste…

Happy earthstrong! — Happy birthday!
Soon come — It will happen soon (but don’t hold your breath)
Wha g’waan? — What’s happening?
Weh yeh bin deh? — What have you been up to?
Ya too damn naggin’ — You are annoying
Bless up — To offer positive vibes
A weh yuh deh? — Where are you?
Mi deh yah — I am here

Yuh wan sumting fi nyam? — Do you want something to eat?
I and I — Rasta-speak meaning ‘you and I’
Put nuff gravy pon de rice — Put lots of gravy on the rice
Dat ooman gat riddim — That woman has got good rhythm
Skin dem teet’ — Smile
Im have a big mout’ — He talks too much
Pull up! Tun it up! — Repeat song! Louder!

De pickney dem is nizey — Those children are noisy
Dat man mek me vex — That man has made me angry
No feel up de mango dem — Do not touch the mangoes
Dat a wan good sumady — That person is a good person
A fareign yu cum fram? — Which country are you from?
Honey, hush — I understand; my sympathy

Footnotes: Hustling and Etiquette

A GENTLE WORD ON HUSTLING

Hustling is a part of everyday life, and everybody has to eat, but not by harassment or deceit. Beware of those who will try to trick you into false familiarity — “Remember me from the hotel?” is a common and tedious example. Another nuisance will follow you asking for a ‘tip’ or some ‘compensation’ for nothing. You must be friendly but firm — a “No, thank you” should do.

ETIQUETTE (and Lack Of…)

Don’t assume you’ll meet cordiality down every alley. If nudging in line toward the cashier in a shop queue, watch orderliness evaporate as folks sidle in to get served before you. No need to vex, it’s just how it is. Or you’re politely awaiting your turn at the bar and a loudmouth appears, banging his money down — remember a lot of aggression on display is ‘window dressing’ and not your concern. But to promote a friendlier accord between nations, buying a stranger a cold beer works like a charm — give it a go.