Bars & Nightlife
There are a thousand bars and places to ‘lyme’ all over St Ann, with everything from big booming beachy events to tiny hill shacks to explore should you choose to ‘taxi it’ around the parish.
Ochi centre has a high density of drinking dens of every standing, countless places to spend a civilised afternoon, gazing at passers-by in a gentle haze of liquid refreshment and Vienna sausage.
Conversely, as night follows day and the evening slides sensuously in, a trawl of some of the same bars is perhaps not for the the faint-hearted or the quiet-drink-loving man and his wife. Evenings out in real downtown Ochi are louder, more lively affairs, crackling with the energy of the massive to the heated clash of dominoes and pounding dancehall from passing cars.
If an even wilder night with dancing and abandoned debauchery is what you seek, several nosebleed-volume nightclubs are open till way past ordinary folks’ bedtimes — you can follow the sound till the sun comes up.
Leaving the ‘Touristy’ area and heading Downtown
The freshly-scrubbed west of Ochi was developed to indulge the squillions of seafarers disembarking daily without having to walk too far into town, but drinks (like everything else) are far less easy-on-the-pocket* at this ‘touristy’ end.
Venture a little further and you’ll find some good vantage points to park your bum and enjoy something potent and fruity as you rubberneck the regular influx of lobster-faced thrill-seekers.
*See the BE WATCHFUL section way below.
JOHN CROW’S TAVERN
The first bar we recommend as you mosey on into town is at 10 Main Street, gracious and open-fronted with outdoor seating for some folk-watching to the lilting Trini calypso sounds from an occasional steel pan player. Plus it’s exotica akimbo on Wednesdays from 8.00pm with a touch of Noche Latina from our friend Simone — free tuition in Salsa and Bachata, followed by hip-wiggling, unabashed Latin high-life on the dance floor with some felicitous food chucked in. Find John Crow’s Tavern on Instagram and Facebook. Look on the map for Red 16 ►
Bars We Love in and around the Market
The Market area has all the habitual signs of wear and tear, but bounding from bar to bar is a whole mess of fun and every person you will meet has a story to tell.
There’s quite a jumble of little welcoming shacks and holes-in-the-wall, sprawled out between Main Street and the Ocho Rios Transport Centre and, if you can forgive the odd vulgar wall mural and wobbly barstool, all are well worth a daytime gargle. The following Market area bars are our own personal favourites, but it is fun to explore their plentiful companions too.
BARBIE’S BAR
Ochi Market. Always crammed with locals so it must be good. An old, traditional bar with a charming ‘history of Ochi’ montage along the actual bar top (not that you can see it when the place is busy, but look for the newspaper headline “Wife Flees Husband Because Of His Oversized Member”... it’s a scream). Red 1 ►
BRIXTON REGGAE LOUNGE
At the bottom of the rubbly Chuck’s Plaza (next to the Singer store), Main Street. This large, airy establishment, found to your right up some outside narrow stairs and along a little walkway, is one we adore. Festooned with ephemera and assorted nic-nacs, pool tables and an open terrace too. Great potential party venue. Red 2 ►
QUTIE’S BAR
★ OCHI INSIDER ★
On Main Street, opposite the Singer store, Regina’s little thrill shack has value drinks, food on the go (in the Chosen Restaurant), and a regular ‘theme night’ Tipsy Saturday. Busy at all times, Qutie’s Bar is popular with overseas visitors who ignore resort protocol to venture to the east end of town. Red 3 ►
FLEX BAR
Known locally as Fathead’s, this small bar just inside the market off Main Street is full of locals and offers a friendly stop-off point when bar hopping. Pull up a stool by the cooling fan. Red 4 ►
OASIS & GAZA BARS
A busy backstreet area near the Transport Centre edge of the market boasts a couple of separate little Jamaican bar experiences under one roof; a much-loved shack/gazebo where the music is loud and strings of coloured lights add an evening sparkle. Red 5 ►
BEER JOINT
Hidden by banana trees on the far edge of the market, the Beer Joint is a friendly, tiny bar inside the simplest cinder block and zinc roof construction. Red 17 ►
There are a few bare bones bar shacks in this location, as far from the clinical ‘tourist’ side of town as Ochi gets. We love them all and recommend you explore in daylight when you can easily find your way around as there is little in the way of street lighting in these parts.
Bars We Love down James Avenue
Many Sports Bars have sprung up along this hotbed of high jinks in recent years. Check out the following crowd-pleasers down this busy stretch:
ARSENAL SPORTS BAR at the famed Jack Ruby Plaza. Look on the map for Red 6 ►
The TOP LINE BAR is a climb away up the stairs at Red 7 ►
ANAN HOME & AWAY BAR, named, we suspect, in homage to ‘the beautiful game’ of Football, is at Red 8 ►
The UNIQUE JUNGLE BAR, unique in a jungly sort of way, Red 9 ►
The ROYALTY BAR & GRILL, above which is the SKY LIFE rooftop bar, both sharing the same footprint at Red 10 ►
Find the far-out FI-WI BAR at Red 11 ►
Another rooftop bar, the fruitily-named MANGO TREE is, as you might expect of a rooftop bar, upstairs at Red 12 ►
MISS ROSE’S TAVERN BAR
Just behind the Jack Ruby mural at the top of James Avenue, we love our friend Miss Rose’s simple and unassuming little Tavern Bar. Do tell her we sent you! Look on the map for Red 13 ►
BARASTI BEACH BAR
At the bottom of James Avenue, this recently opened beach bar is one we have not tried as yet but, being part of Ocean Palms by the sea, it sounds very promising. Red 14 ►
SEEKERS
Follow the Avenue to the right at the very bottom. Seekers Guesthouse has an open bar tucked away in its leafy grounds (combined with Koochin restaurant). There’s a loud upstairs pool hall too if you’re feeling tough. More on Facebook. Red 15 ►
Bars We Love a little out of Town
HUNTERZ PUB
East Main Street towards Pineapple, right opposite the entrance to Mahogany Beach. Newly refurbished bar and jerk hut, welcoming and friendly, with Karaoke vibes on Tuesdays. “The Hunterz Pub Team is ready to serve you and ensure you have a great visit.” Follow on Instagram and Facebook. Red 20 ►
Clubbing and Nightlife
8 RIVAZ ULTRA LOUNGE
Upstairs at Beecham Plaza, Main Street. Very stylish bar, nightclub, restaurant and roof lounge with a different theme every night of the week. Get this lot: Martini Mondays, Tuesday Ladies’ Night, Wednesday Live Music, Thursday Dancehall Night, Glow Fridays, International Night on Saturdays and Old Skool Music on Sundays. More on Instagram and Facebook. Red 18 ►
AMNESIA
70 Main Street, smack dab in the centre of town. Loud reggae, dancehall and excitement evermore at “The club to remember”. Sipping Sunday and Rum Tuesday are jumping but Thursday is Ladies’ Night with free entry (so to speak) so beware of excitable Ja girls daggerin’ up to you. Follow on Instagram and Facebook. Red 19 ►
ROYALTY BAR, GRILL & CLUB
Above-mentioned among the James Avenue bars, the Royalty also boasts what can only be described as Adult Entertainment. Get your kicks on the first floor at Red 10 ►
Footnotes: Be watchful of pricing!
OVERPRICING #1
We do not list one particular bar around the ‘touristy’ area for charging OVER THREE TIMES the price for a bottle of Red Stripe compared to bars downtown. You might expect to be hustled on the streets wherever you go, but being grossly overcharged at ‘well-to-do’ bars makes us wonder: Who are the real hustlers?
OVERPRICING #2
We exclude another bar here due to a disparity between their tariff and the actual prices on the receipt. Wilson questioned the cashier why this was so, but was told this was “company policy” and only the owner could authorise a refund but he had “gone away”. This indefensible practice is clearly in place to take advantage of tourists who are either not familiar with the currency or have too little time to complain. Well.
Besides, wouldn’t you rather be downtown quaffing fruity drinks with the locals like a cool person, rather than mingling daily with the same crowd from your resort or cruise ship?
And one last thing... Wilson’s Mad Night Out!
Board a speeding afternoon westbound minibus from Ochi to Salem Stop-light for a cold beer and a Matterhorn at the friendly little bar shack right over there on the sea side (the one with the hedge out front)... then back over the road to the taxi stop for a winding, bumpy hold-on-tight ride up to the Carwash Bar (ask the driver to stop there).
A few wet ones and a game of Ludi later, hail a taxi to take you way up further into the dusky-by-now hills to Speccy Bar for some rum and loud music. (We find that overproof rum with ice and Ting works like magic to give you added poise and sociability.)
Before midnight when taxis become less frequent, find your way back in the dark to any bar that’s still open in Ochi Market to down a flask or two, watching karate movies till dawn to a snoring chorus of guys leaning asleep on the gaming machines. (You’ll need to keep waking the bartender for service throughout the night, or buy her a Malta.)
When the sun comes up, you’re ready for a hazy breakfast of kidneys and callaloo, a few saltfish fritters maybe... then sleep till noon, a quick blast under the cold shower pipe, and repeat till Hell calls your name.
