Wiggly Bugs

“Are there any pests lurking about that might ruin my Jamaican holiday?” you might ask.

God’s smallest creatures have slithered and buggled the earth since time began, and Jamaica has more than its fair share of things that leap on you as you walk past.

Should you find yourself rambling through dense undergrowth or snooping in someone’s garden, don’t be tempted to lift rocks or poke about — and let anything venomous-looking go about its wiggly business in peace.

Gladly [some of] the spiders and [most of] the snakes on the island are nothing to give you the willies about, and tales of things creeping into your bed to eat your face as you sleep are greatly exaggerated. But let’s just see if some of these other bad guys on our list can’t sneak behind your defence mechanisms a little...

FORTY LEGS

Fearsome ‘centipedes’ of up to 30 cm long will happily gobble up birds, rodents, anything with a face. Potent venom is administered via two big nasty front ‘claws’, a bite from which will not improve your health. Bad tempered too so don’t ever stamp on one or it’ll coil round your foot and have you for lunch.

MOSQUITOS

The second Jamaican national bird comes out at dusk to irritate the pants off you, then buzzes annoyingly around your ear when you are trying to sleep. Evil. Repellents are a must so do whatever it takes — burn a coil, adopt a lizard, spray some spray, and sleep beneath a net or beside a cooling fan.

ANTS

Despite an infallible work ethic and the common decency to form orderly queues, some ants are the bitey kind. Wilson reckons he saw some red stripey ones on the sand at Priory Beach but it might’ve just been the rum. Keep any leftover street food properly sealed or these mothers will appear in their legions.

COCKROACHES

Ever stood barefoot on a cockroach in the dark? The tell-tale crunch and wiggle of legs on the sole of your foot... you’re in the company of the most reviled creatures on the planet outside of politics. Evil but nothing a few whacks with your sandal can’t put right.

LIZARDS

Basilicine cuties. There is always a lizard watching you. We love these little green flitting reptiles, and anything that dines on mosquitos is our friend. Watch the males puff out their necks when some big bamboo summer lovin’ with lizard chicks is on the agenda.

MILLIPEDES

These dark brown, yellow-banded horrors (nicknamed ‘Bumblebee’ millipedes) grow up to 100 mm in length and may release a ‘poison’ that shoots out and burns your skin if they don’t like the look of you, so don’t forget to smile.

SNAKES

None of Jamaica’s native snakes are venomous. Even if they were, the population has significantly lessened over the years by farming methods and the mongoose. Some species are protected. Still making our minds up about these slitherers.

Lesser Antillean Whistling Frog - Charles J Sharp 4.0.jpg

FROGS

Croaky and colourful, over two dozen species live on the island and are only harmful should you snack on them. Their adorable high-pitched gleeping adds an exotic ambience to outdoor romantic evenings under the tropical stars.

CRICKETS

Making a right chirpy racket at night with their froggy friends, these gentle creatures can grow to more than 20 cm long and, with sticky-out legs, antennae and other spiky protrudences, can appear quite startling in the half-light. (Don’t do what Wilson did and pick one of the big ones up.)

BIG SPIDERS

Most of the island arachnids are nothing to lose sleep over — though you can bet there’ll be a few of those big whopper Banana Spiders just waiting to pounce should you hang around in rainforest. Tarantulas are now believed to be extinct on the island, and those Brown Recluse house-dwellers look gentle enough... but spider whisperers we are not, so we won’t be waiting around to find out.

SAND FLEAS

Aka ‘No-See-Ums’, these cheeky little sand-dwelling bitey things (actually mini-crustaceans) spend most of their day in hiding but will come out to nibble and burrow their way into uncovered legs as the sun sets. If you’ve been tonight’s lucky host, rub some white rum on the affected area to ease irritation.

Pregnant Scorpion - Holley and Chris Melton 2.0.jpg

SCORPIONS

Scary looking, they’re on the prowl too but rarely seen, coming out to answer the call of the wild at dusk. Scorpions with a fatal sting are not native to Jamaica but, as with anything else with sharp pinchers and a venomous barbed tail, allergic reactions are possible, so it’s maybe not a good idea to pick one up and cuddle it.

Footnote: An Unexpected Visitor

One balmy evening on the veranda of a house way up in the Exchange hills, as Wilson sat with friends enjoying a few cold beers to Nature’s night time froggy gleeps and crickety chirps, a large, black winged thing the size of a plum appeared and flitted around the dim porch light for a minute or so.

After brazenly bumping against our heads and fluttering about us as if choosing from a menu, it landed with an audible dull thump on the back of one of the compadres. Neither Jamaican friend had ever seen anything like it — to quote three grown men: “You touch it…” “No you touch it…” “I ain’t touching no big bumboclaat insect…” etc.

After what seemed like an eternity, on the gentlest of pokings with a very long twig, whatever this beastly thing was let go of its firm clench and thrummed off into the dark Ochi night. Well.